The Hours

This past summer, there was another loss in my family. My mother’s grandmother fell ill and in a short amount of hours, passed away. Within the past few years, my great-grandmother had been in and out of the hospital, and I never worried about death as an outcome. For some reason, since she was over [...]

Strange Faces

One of my earliest memories of death sets me at the very front pew of my hometown church. My grandpa, my mother’s father, had just died and we were attending his funeral. I remember looking up at strange faces. I had recognized my mom, dad and grandma on the way in to the church before [...]

The Morning After

I was really  hurt this morning.  I didn’t know what to think about last night — how we all had things we wanted to say, but strangely the “silent ones” spoke first — and loudly. Last night I was not silent. I snapped my words in a sharp tongue that was stronger than I anticipated.  [...]

Reflection #9

So many questions are buzzing around behind my eyes.  I don’t know if I’m in any particular place to understand the recent attacks on my behavior.  I don’t understand what I did wrong. I don’t understand how this is becoming  a pattern. And I definitely can’t see the meaning behind any of this.

Reflection #8

As a constant reminder of my peaceful and rebellious nature, I seek to prove a law wrong.  Something about it being described as factual motivates me to find the flaw.  Matter cannot be created nor destroyed.  Why has this scientific law intrigued me since the age of bookcovers made of grocery bags?  And how do [...]

A New Beginning with the Same Old Ending

A new beginning with the same old ending I sit in these chairs I sit, I stare No, it can’t be There must be more for me Than a corner with a book Than a stranger with the “look” My failing eyes try to disguise The disgust I see But the disgust is me I’ll [...]

“A Really Good Thing” is a Terrible Lie

It’s times like these where I have to repeat to myself “It will end. It will end. It has to end soon.”  The way that I can live with people for so long, people who supposedly know me, vouch for me and are patient with me is a lie.  It’s all  just a pretty lie. [...]

Reflection #7

And yes, thoughts are floating around in my head. Like why can some things be so easy for others and just utterly incomprehensible for me? I think too much, I feel too much and I think waayy too much about what I’m thinking and feeling. I wish this on no one,  but I wish I [...]