And yes, thoughts are floating around in my head. Like why can some things be so easy for others and just utterly incomprehensible for me? I think too much, I feel too much and I think waayy too much about what I’m thinking and feeling. I wish this on no one,  but I wish I knew someone with a similar outlook or frame of mind.  I want the good advice that won’t make me more angry or jealous of their intellect.  I want that knowing smile, the one that encourages the ego and discourages external influence all in the same gesture.  I need my ego. I feel like I haven’t enough courage with my Id and SuperEgo to muster any sort of worth.  My ego needs its nutrients, the shallow nights filled with gluttony and binges on the self-image.  Recently I’ve had a taste of this and I feel the urge to keep it in my hand.  And with every puff of mindbending complexes, I see a new me, the same stage but a new light system.  Later in life I will hold fast to the securities of institution; for now, I will live each moment as the best and expand my mind both intellectually and philosophically.

Peace.

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