I want to read a good book. The only thing that has fallen into my hands is In Cold Blood by Truman Capote. This is one of the best written books and I love reading at night but honestly, this book gives me the heebie-geebies. I always plan on reading it during the day (I’m halfway through it!) but something always stops me and there I am at nightfall, trying to get past the horrific details of Capote’s true life tale.

So I have to settle for cheap literature from my pre-adolescence (all of my “good” books are in my apartment) library. Although they intrigued me at a certain time, I’ve just grown out of the impetuous plots, the finale/prom synchronization and idealism of love that plagues that whole genre. Anyway, as you might be able to tell, I’m a little bitter about this.
Another worry is money. I don’t want it handed over to be from somebody else’s deep wallet and shallow shelling of future favors and “high regard”. I am not a bank account. You may not deposit money into me and I will not love you any more if you shove a 50 in my hand or 75 bucks. I cannot be bought and I will count the memories of your forlorn company at the end of my life, and not the checks you wrote in my name. It’s sad, though, the people who this is mostly aimed at will never read my real thoughts nor be touched by my pent-up anger over money and what it causes. Throughout my life, money has been a problem. I’m not saying I was poor and I’m not saying my parent’s bought be a Bentley for my Sweet Sixteen. It’s more than that. Hidden between all the nooks and crannies in my family and those who insist we are and insist we aren’t their family (depending how the chips fall), money has caused its share of drama. I’m not going to spew my family’s dirty laundry out in the open but I have to express how much money frustrates me. I want certain members of my family to understand that I would rather spend a dinner with them than cash a check for Christmas. But they’ll never know because I’ll never tell. After asking my parents if I there was such a way that I could “politely decline” the money and getting serious yelps of disbelief and doubt, I’ve decided to out-smart my personal “Daddy Warbucks” and give the money to SaveDarfur- one of my favorite charities. So put THAT in your Bible and smoke it! HA!